So I had another miscarriage

by Naomi House, MLIS
updated 9/22/14

So I had another miscarriage

INALJ blackOn Thursday I went in for my 10 week ultrasound. Because I am higher risk we had an ultrasound every two weeks or so and had seen the fetus and heard its heartbeat at 6 weeks and 4 days.  Apparently a week later the heart stopped and the fetus stopped growing. My body, once again, did not get the message.  This is my 3rd missed miscarriage in 13 months.

You may be wondering why I am sharing this very personal information on my LIS and libraries job hunting website. Job hunting, volunteer work, everything I am working on and put time and energy into are affected by my health. I have taken strength from the many LIS people I follow on Twitter and am friends with on Facebook who share their own personal health struggles. I find silence and keeping this to myself to be harmful to my health. When I announced my first pregnancy and subsequent miscarriage last October on INALJ and Facebook I learned more from others who I knew but had not realized had been through miscarriages too than any book or database could teach me. Their stories gave me comfort and let me know more about the range of experiences. This time I most likely will not have to go to the emergency room (I’ve had 3 miscarriages in 13 months and 3 ER visits which are very expensive). I can do this taking medicine in the privacy of my home. I have the bestest doctors here in New Orleans, truly, but Louisiana is one of the uncooperative states with the ACA so my premiums and coverage stink. But boy are the doctors here super :) You never read about the pain, migraines, weeks of bleeding. The way your body just fights you and is unrecognizable.

This is hard on my family, especially my husband, Sana, who is amazing and been supportive in ways he can never know. I also am grateful to my INALJ team. I have so many terrific current and former volunteers who stay in touch. Putting in time to help others find jobs when life is so short and we could all be more selfish- I am amazed at what they do. I need this community and appreciate you all so much. I am grateful to my T160K partners. I am thankful for my family who are also very much supportive and hopeful for us and whom I get to see this upcoming weekend, thank goodness!

Here is to everyone who is out there dealing with a health issue. I hope you find the support you need and hope my story helps in some way. A couple weeks ago I wrote Health and the Job Hunt: On Blood Sugar & Carbs & Me, and I will continue to share when I am comfortable doing so, my own challenges.

 

TRIGGER WARNING- the rest is graphic. I know it is brave to talk about miscarriages but for me it is the horrible, specific details that would have helped me most when I was scared the first time.

Graphic content below!

 

UPDATED 9/21-22/14 below with graphic details of all 3 miscarriages

Miscarriage #1 :

  • Remember that government furlough last year where we lost our jobs on October 1st and it was nearly a month before (after a big campaign inside and outside my agency) we were hired back? On October 15th I had my first miscarriage.
  • I had been told a few days earlier that I had a blighted ovum (basically the embryo never grew into a fetus but the sack grew)
  • My body thought it was pregnant but did not have a baby on board
  • That was the most pain I have ever been in
  • Tuesday early morning at 1 or 2 am I began severe sharp cramping. Baths did not help. Laying down made it worse.  Standing was best but the pain was severe.
  • After a few hours I had my husband drive me to the ER (again)- we had been there when the bleeding started a few days earlier.
  • I refused to sit and was standing barefoot- I remember being given socks with smiley faces on them.
  • It had started a few days earlier when I got back from a NewFeds event- blood.  I waited 24 hrs and called my doctor on Friday- he sent me to the ER
  • The most traumatic part of the first ER trip was the difficulty they had taking blood- my inner arm was bruised
  • 6.5 hours later we were sent home- the ER doctor did not really exactly tell me what was going on.  Monday was a holiday so Tuesday I expected to go see my OB/GYN.
  • But the pain was too much- cramping is such a nice and vague term for what it really is- it was like someone crushing muscle and bone in rhythm
  • So much blood. So much thick congealed tissue. I passed so much and was covered in my own blood.
  • The ER doctors did suction the remainder out but told me to expect 4-6 weeks of heavy bleeding
  • No one told me about the migraines- I am lucky to very rarely get them and on top of all the other pain it was a brutal side effect to have
  • No one took the time to find a vein and I was stabbed repeatedly – also I hate IVs
  • It was awful and then I got to go home and not have the hope of a baby
  • Miscarriages take weeks- you bleed and bleed and cramp and have pain
  • You feel the tissue pass out of you- I had to be in a restroom at least once an hour
  • I went to networking events (because I had just lost my job) twice during the aftermath of the miscarriage. I stood outside the building at one gripping the brick and biting my cheek and went in because what could I do? I needed work- I had to continue trying
  • Emotionally this was the least difficult miscarriage for me – but by far the most painful. I had no idea. People just don’t share and oh how I wish I had known.

Miscarriage #2 :

  • I was sick with a cold a full week when it happened
  • February 2014
  • I was staying at the Knights Inn in New Orleans East while we renovated our first NOLA house
  • And Sana was at the house site
  • The second I saw blood I started bawling – I mean I Wanted this pregnancy to work
  • I couldn’t believe it wouldn’t work
  • Who has that kind of luck?
  • I was sent to the ER because it was Saturday and my new OB/GYNs good friend was there and came to see me to break the news
  • Tuesday we saw an ultrasound and the baby had stopped growing at 9.5 weeks – no heartbeat
  • Ugg
  • We decided to do a natural miscarriage as I knew better what to expect
  • Pain started every hour and then increased
  • I had to save the tissue so we could run tests on it

Miscarriage #3 :

  • I was in no pain at all staring at the bottles of pills that were about to help me pass the no longer viable fetus
  • I knew to expect pain, severe cramping, migraines and I was about to do it by choice
  • I could have waited another week but there was the risk of infection if I did another natural miscarriage
  • And I did not want a D&C
  • So the convenience of home and 2 hellish days of pain it would be
  • Last night was awful- ow is my word of the day

Naomi House

Naomi House, MLIS, is the founder and publisher of the popular webzine and jobs list INALJ.com (formerly I Need a Library Job). Founded in October 2010 with the assistance of her fellow Rutgers classmate, Elizabeth Leonard, INALJ’s social media presence has grown to include Facebook (retired in 2016), Twitter and a LinkedIn group, in addition to the interviews, articles and jobs found on INALJ.com. INALJ.com has had over 17 Million page views and helped thousands of librarians and LIS folk find employment! Through grassroots marketing, word of mouth and a real focus on exploring unconventional resources for job leads, INALJ grew from a subscription base of 20 friends to a website with over 500,000 visits in a month. Naomi believes that well-sourced quantity is quality in this narrow job market and INALJ reflects this many new jobs published daily. She has also written for the 2011, 2012 & 2013 LexisNexis Government Info Pro. She presents whenever she can, most recently thrice at the American Library Association's Annual Conference as well as breakout talk presenter at OCLC EMEA in Cape Town, South Africa and as a keynote speaker at the Virginia Library Association annual meeting, at the National Press Club, McGill University, the University of the Emirates, Dubai, MLIS program and the University of Hawaii at Manoa. Naomi was a Reference, Marketing and Acquisitions Librarian for a contractor at a federal library outside Washington, DC, and has relocated to being nomadic. She runs her husband’s moving labor website, KhanMoving.com, fixes and sells old houses and assists her husband cooking delicious Pakistani food as well. She has heard of spare time but hasn’t encountered it lately. She pronounces INALJ as eye-na-elle-jay. 

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  52 comments for “So I had another miscarriage

  1. Margo Kulseth
    September 23, 2014 at 1:35 pm

    It happened to me too. I am so sorry for your loss.

    • September 23, 2014 at 6:24 pm

      Thanks so much!!! <3

  2. MSW
    September 23, 2014 at 12:59 am

    Hi Naomi–My thoughts and prayers are with you. I also miscarried and had a son who died after five hours and had another pregnancy I ended because history repeated itself–there was no chance of a having a child that would survive, and I could have died in the process. Now, a couple of decades later, the husband and father with the defective chromosomes (who I never faulted) is divorcing me because I don’t make him happy. I guess my message to you is to find blessings where you can. Life is about something–I truly believe that–and we have to figure out what that something is. I thank God every day for my library job and for the two lovely adult children that resulted from five confirmed (and likely other unconfirmed) pregnancies. Hang in there!

    • September 23, 2014 at 8:53 am

      Sorry to hear your husband isn’t treating you well- you deserve better and your attitude is good :) Thank you so much for sharing your story!

  3. September 22, 2014 at 4:59 pm

    Naomi, you’ve created such a community here. Don’t forget how many lives you’ve touched and how many people who you’ve helped find professional happiness and security through you work here. Myself included. We may never meet but I thank you and am thinking of you at this time.

    • September 22, 2014 at 7:48 pm

      Thanks so much!!! I hope in the end it will all work out but connecting on here has been meaningful :)

  4. JIll
    September 22, 2014 at 12:51 pm

    Sending you positive vibes….. I am sure you are getting pelted with unsolicited medical advice, but here goes…. A friend of mine had four miscarriages until her OB/GYN diagnosed her with PCOS and low levels of Progesterone and Testasterone. She took hormone replacement therapy and went on to have 2 healthy kids.

    • September 22, 2014 at 7:32 pm

      Always good to hear success stories :) I will have my fingers crossed for a diagnosis too :)

  5. Kim
    September 22, 2014 at 10:54 am

    Naomi, I am so sorry for your loss. I will definitely be sending healing thoughts/prayers your way. Just know that you are not alone in what you are going through. I’ve known a few people to have the same experiences that you are going through and I wish people would talk about it and be more open instead of keeping it all in. That’s why I think you are very brave for speaking out about this, because it’s not easy to talk about yet more people should be having this conversation. Health is extremely important to every aspect of one’s life. If you don’t have your health, then what do you have? I’m trying to get into a more healthier and active lifestyle- it would go more smoothly if I weren’t already afflicted with certain health issues. But when I’m healthy and active, I’m happier, more energetic and can do my job better.

    Speaking of which, if you are still looking for employment, I hope that you find something soon and I wish you a speedy recovery. It may be easier said then done, but hang in there.

    • September 22, 2014 at 7:33 pm

      Thanks so much! I definitely agree health makes all the difference. I am looking more for consulting and presenting types of work now :)

  6. September 22, 2014 at 7:39 am

    This is such a taboo subject. I know most people, for whatever bizarre and messed up reason, don’t want to talk about it. But it SHOULD be talked about. It happens to women – yet it’s one of few things we find hard to discuss. Thank you, Naomi, for opening my eyes and the eyes of others, to what that situation can be like. And thank you for giving us an eye into your life and how things are going. INALJ is a fantastic resource, wonderful beyond words – but always YOU come first. Feel better. You’re in my thoughts. As we say in my Disney groups: “prayers and pixie dust”. We want you and Sana to be happy and healthy. We love you, Naomi. <3

    • September 22, 2014 at 7:35 pm

      You are so sweet! Thanks so much! I was stunned to find that after my first miscarriage and sharing about it I knew tons of people who had been through the same thing and they all reached out to me. Thanks so much :)

  7. mpl
    September 22, 2014 at 6:18 am

    I’m really sorry, Naomi. I’ve been through it twice myself and know how you feel. HUGS to you and your family.

    • September 22, 2014 at 7:35 pm

      Thanks so much – hugs truly appreciated!

  8. Landlocked Librarian
    September 22, 2014 at 5:58 am

    Saw a mutual friend comment on your post (on linkedin).

    It got to a point where, at times, I would forget how many miscarriages I had. Turns out it was 2 prior to our first child and 2 before our second. With our 2nd child I was able to hide the pregnancy until the 3rd trimester – because I didn’t want to share a miscarriage with coworkers if it should happen. I still find it absurd to write on medical forms I’ve had 6 pregnancies but only 2 live births.

    It is physically painful – emotionally heart breaking. But find strength and support in that women of all social standing and educational background share this experience. And you are benefiting them all by telling your tale.

    Positive mojo to you and yours –

    • September 22, 2014 at 7:36 pm

      Thanks so much and your story is inspiring. I definitely know the emotional part and reliving it (for me getting bills in the mail for lab results post miscarriage was one of the hardest parts of it. Thanks for your kind thoughts!

  9. shell
    September 21, 2014 at 10:47 pm

    My thoughts and prayers go out to your entire family on your loss.

    • September 22, 2014 at 7:48 pm

      Thanks so much!!!

  10. September 21, 2014 at 7:49 pm

    I just wanted to share my deepest condolences for you during this difficult time. I’m so appreciative that you shared your story here, where many people reading have been through the same experience or know someone who has. It’s so brave, and everyone who has followed your posts for a long time is cheering for you. <3

    • September 22, 2014 at 7:49 pm

      Awww thanks so much! These have definitely been cheering for me :)

  11. September 21, 2014 at 1:18 pm

    Naomi, thank you for sharing your personal stories on INALJ. Your courage and strength is an inspiration to many. I wish you and your husband the best through this difficult period, and will be staying tuned in for the next chapter.

    • September 22, 2014 at 7:49 pm

      Thank you so much! Truly this has been a difficult year but I am grateful for your kind words :)

  12. September 21, 2014 at 11:32 am

    Naomi, I am so sorry for your loss. My first of three miscarriages occurred when the fetus was 20 weeks. I agree with your friend who said that one of the most difficult aspects of the miscarriage was the isolation and silence from friends who didn’t know what to say. Even my husband thought that not speaking about our loss would be less painful for me. As you know, that is not the case. Eventually my husband and I went together to a grief support group for couples who’d had miscarriages and had lost children. We found the group to be extremely helpful. I see that there is such a support group in NOLA, The Compassionate Friends:

    http://tinyurl.com/pdkcrxp

    I hope it comforts you to know that we now have four grown daughters. And I hope you will find comfort, strength, and peace.

    • September 22, 2014 at 7:55 pm

      Thank you so much and how devastating to have them so late in your pregnancies! Thank you for the link- I think that group is actually just down the street from me. Your story gives me hope! :) Thanks so much!

  13. S.
    September 21, 2014 at 10:20 am

    Hi Naomi, I know you only through your blog. I am sorry for what happened to you. It happened to me 2 months ago so I can understand what you feel. I try not to think about it too much, but when I see a pregnant woman, I keep wondering “why her and not me?”. It is good to talk about it (I kept it for myself, maybe I shouldn’t have), and I hope you feel a little bit better with the support of the ones you love. Also the money part sucks (I am from Europe and the American health system is such a mystery to me). Be strong!

    • September 23, 2014 at 8:51 am

      Thanks so much! Definitely expensive here :( and I do feel better- so sorry for your loss!

  14. Jessi P.
    September 21, 2014 at 12:19 am

    I appreciate your honesty so much – we as women need to share our experiences rather than hide them as the medical establishment has taught us to do. I have the opposite issue, infertility exacerbated by lingering effects of chemo, so odds are I will not ever have the same problem you do, but I can support you and vice versa regardless. I will send good thoughts out to the universe for you for healing and future success – librarians unite!

    • September 22, 2014 at 7:52 pm

      Thanks! Definitely this platform allows us to be there for each other. Sorry to hear about the chemo after effects but glad you shared your story! Librarians for the win! :)

  15. Cindie
    September 20, 2014 at 11:00 pm

    I am sorry for your loss. My miscarriage was many years agoe but I can still remember the heartache and pain. We had been trying to get pregnant for a couple of years and were excited to learn we were expecting. We too heard the baby’s heartbeat. At 16 weeks I started spotting, one thing led to another and an ultrasound showed the baby stopped developing at 12 weeks. The grief was overwhelming but so was people’s ignorance. I am deeply grateful you have close loved ones and a community to support you through this very difficult time. I wish you the best. I will leave you with a positive note that I did have a successful pregnancy afterwards and my baby boy turns 16 yrs next month. I wish you warm blessings.

    • September 22, 2014 at 7:51 pm

      So sorry for your loss but a touching story! Happy to hear about your successful pregnancy! People who haven’t been through it can’t know but your kind words are appreciated :)

  16. September 20, 2014 at 8:37 pm

    Hi Naomi,

    I am so sorry about your loss. My closest friend experienced precisely the same series of losses, including miscarriage after hearing a heartbeat. It turns out that (in her case) the cause was the presence of the MTHFR enzyme. If you are at all dirty-minded you can imagine its alternate name in our conversations. She said one of the most difficult parts of the losses was the overwhelming silence and sense of isolation; many acquaintances had no idea what to say so they avoided her. The points being 1) I think it will help others that you are speaking frankly and 2) if it has not already been explored, you might speak with your doctor about MTHRFR (http://ghr.nlm.nih.gov/gene/MTHFR) as a possible reason for your miscarriages.

    I hope beyond hope that the next news we hear is of a happy, healthy you. Take care of yourself and be well. xo

    • September 20, 2014 at 9:47 pm

      Thank you so much for the kind thoughts and link! I will def check it out and what an acronym!!! Wow :)

  17. Tinton Falls Library Lady
    September 20, 2014 at 4:28 pm

    I am so sad for you and your husband. I have never had this experience but have had friends who have lost children this way. I applaud your candor and bravery in sharing this.

    • September 20, 2014 at 9:46 pm

      :) Thank you so much!

  18. Serena
    September 20, 2014 at 2:17 pm

    I’m so sorry to hear hon :( <3 I had a missed miscarriage last June 2013 and it was pretty much my last chance for a number of reasons. Have your doctors done a complete evaluation of your thyroid function? (As in more than just TSH; also free T4 & T3 and perhaps thyroid antibodies) It can be the root cause of insulin resistance/ glucose intolerance/Type II Diabetes as well as miscarriages. I wanted to mention that since if you had a thyroid issue, having it treated could result in a successful healthy pregnancy so it could be well worth looking into. Wishing you health, healing, and success in your journey toward motherhood :)

    • September 20, 2014 at 9:46 pm

      I will definitely mention it!!! Thanks! I would not have thought to ask :)

  19. September 20, 2014 at 12:31 pm

    I’m so sorry – how devastating.

  20. September 20, 2014 at 12:21 pm

    Thank you for sharing your experiences. It took me back to my first miscarriage where I felt utterly alone and it seemed taboo to even talk about it. This was in 2000. Keeping that pain and sadness inside had really bad consequences for my marriage and me. I had a still birth, an ectopic pregnancy and another miscarriage between 2002-2003. It was a struggle. I don’t have words powerful enough to describe my feelings. Eventually, my husband and I decided to adopt and we eventually got pregnant. It was successful, but it was a high risk pregnancy. I was on bed rest for 6 out of the 9 months. I had to have a surgical stitch put in to keep my cervix closed. My blood was clotting too much so I had to take a blood thinner (shots) every day so the fetus could get blood. Then I developed gestational diabetes. My husband and I had been through so much that we didn’t even allow ourselves to love the baby inside of me until she was born. I’m sorry for your loss and your struggle. I just wanted to let you know I understand.

    • September 20, 2014 at 9:45 pm

      Big hugs!!!! It is so cathartic to share and I know that your story has made me feel more like this isn’t me alone in all of it. Thank you so much for sharing!

  21. September 20, 2014 at 11:59 am

    Just wanted to send my sincere wishes that you and your family get through this emotional time. You are right we all have our own personal health issues that we are dealing with that we put aside each and every day as we work to do our very best at our jobs. It is so thoughtful of you to be thinking of everyone else during your own personal struggles, you just truly amaze me. I love your optimism and how you inspire even through the pain. My thoughts are with you and your husband.

    • September 20, 2014 at 9:44 pm

      Thank you!!! I learn so much and have grown so from this community- I appreciate it truly :)

  22. Dawn
    September 20, 2014 at 11:56 am

    I’m so sorry you and your husband are having to go through this yet again. I lost a baby at 7 weeks in 2010, and I will say the intensity of the sadness fades but it never goes away completely. I hope you find a remedy and are able to carry to term someday soon. Wishing you peace and love in the meantime.

    • September 20, 2014 at 9:43 pm

      Aww sorry to hear and thanks so much!

  23. September 20, 2014 at 11:50 am

    I’ve never been pregnant but I’ve been told that I will have to either take lots of folic acid or possibly blood thinners should I ever decide to get pregnant. Look up anti-phosolipid antibody syndrome. Blood clots often cause miscarriages. I’m sorry for your loss, Naomi.

    • September 20, 2014 at 9:37 pm

      Thanks and congrats on the wedding! I see the name change :) I was on folic acid and it def helps! Hoping good news next time around :)

  24. Sara
    September 20, 2014 at 11:18 am

    Certainly not to comparing my issues to your current loss, but I do see my recent health problems may be linked to my recent push to find a new job and the extreme frustrations I am having with the job I am in. I came to a very difficult but necessary decision the other day – namely that for me I was not going to actively pursue a full time job so that I could spend the afternoons with my children when they were out of school…I hope that this new focus in my family life will help to alleviate some of the stress I have been feeling concerning my career. You bring up a very valid point – our drive to succeed and how we measure success should not sole be on our job description. My best wishes for you and your family in these times.

    • September 20, 2014 at 9:37 pm

      Thanks! I truly know that health ad happiness matter more :) Def jobs are not worth the stress

  25. SJ
    September 20, 2014 at 11:08 am

    You are right about sharing May our sympathetic thoughts orovide you with great fortitude.

    • September 20, 2014 at 9:36 pm

      Thanks so much!!!

      • Khalilah
        September 22, 2014 at 5:32 am

        Thanks for your transparency. A lot of women can benefit from your article. I have been prone to being an overachiever. After some work experience though I am finally seeing the value in taking a mental health day off, asking for help/extended deadlines for a special project, and advocating for self. The person who is there everyday and who never takes off does not fully understand the havoc it does over time. Additionally, it can become easy to become the person that is doing your job in addition to the job of several others. This article has made me understand the importance of creating my own personal haven and outlet. I hope you have a successful pregnancy next time around. I also think you should ask your doctor about PCOS. My best friend’s wife had a successful pregnancy after her docs treated her for PCOS.

        • September 23, 2014 at 8:54 am

          Thank you! A personal haven is a beautiful way of putting it- will definitely bring up PCOS with my doctor! :)

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