{"id":83886,"date":"2014-11-05T08:00:36","date_gmt":"2014-11-05T14:00:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/inalj.com\/?p=83886"},"modified":"2014-11-04T23:58:30","modified_gmt":"2014-11-05T05:58:30","slug":"my-life-fell-apart-and-then-i-had-to-go-back-to-work","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/inalj.com\/?p=83886","title":{"rendered":"\u201cMy life fell apart… and then I had to go back to work\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"

by Amy Steinbauer, Senior Assistant,\u00a0INALJ California<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cMy life fell apart… and then I had to go back to work\u201d<\/span><\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/a>My father died last month. It was sudden, and quick, and has changed my life forever. I was\u00a0headed back East for a friend\u2019s wedding, and a visit; but once he got to the hospital, I bumped up\u00a0my trip to spend more time with him.<\/p>\n

In total, I spent about a month in NJ, but eventually, I had to head back to CA, and back to work.\u00a0My work had been pretty lenient… one plus of being paid hourly\u2014 your cheap to misplace for a\u00a0bit.<\/p>\n

Coming back to work was difficult, and there are many waves of that difficulty. My coworkers are\u00a0lovely and want to hug me and share the burden of my grief, but I don\u2019t want to think about things,\u00a0much less talk. Some of them can relate, as they have lost their parents, but considering I am one\u00a0of the youngest employees at the library it doesn’t do much to console me.<\/p>\n

To add to my chaos, I had left my desk a complete mess as I was still processing a office transition\u00a0from a few weeks before. I had anticipated being back much sooner, I didn’t think things would get\u00a0as bad as they did. Coming back to it, I feel like a different person left that space. I had to go back\u00a0and retrain myself in how I was working in the space. A silver lining to that, is that I am finally\u00a0taking the time to organize my stereotypically messy librarian office, and going through things I\u00a0meant to toss months ago. Since my job has split into two, now I split my office in half to reflect\u00a0the different areas of my work. So far it is making things much easier to be so organized.<\/p>\n

I would like to think that no one would ever need this guide. I hope you all have blissful and happy\u00a0lives, free from pain. But, realistically, tragedy may find it’s way to your door, no matter how\u00a0many times you double check the locks.<\/p>\n

A few things that may help to consider.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t be afraid to be honest with people.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Libraries are community centers, and being a librarian is an instant community connector. This\u00a0applies directly to my job as an Outreach Librarian, the literal face of the library… People need to\u00a0know that I am going through a hard time that has changed me, or they may be frustrated that I am\u00a0not the person I used to be, or am not right now. It takes the load off when people know that I am\u00a0grieving. Since I was gone for so long, and don’t have an adequate substitutes, my outreach service\u00a0was majorly disrupted. People were frustrated and annoyed with me being out, and there was no\u00a0one to explain things to them. I had to get control of the situation, which meant having many small\u00a0uncomfortable conversations with my community contacts. While I generally love outreach and\u00a0my job, it’s hard to be the happy, positive community member when you are grieving.<\/p>\n

Being open about grief connects you with people who are suffering too… since I have shared my\u00a0news, one mother stayed to talk with me after storytime about her father having risky brain\u00a0surgery. And another mother told me that her son is chronically ill, so they drive every day to a\u00a0special hospital a few towns over. Even though we don’t typically discuss it openly, people are\u00a0hurting all the time. And in a job that builds community connections, it easy to overlook that\u00a0sometimes the biggest resource you can be sometimes is just some ears to listen. One of my\u00a0favorite quotes has always been \u201cBe kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.\u201d~ John\u00a0Watson. Grief reminds me of what we all too easily forget. Life is hard, and no one is immune to\u00a0that. Even Beyonce has bad days. Connecting with people about loss and or life’s hardships helps\u00a0to ground you in real human experiences and emotions.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t overload yourself.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Before I left for home, I had just started up the Fall Outreach Schedule, and was still in the process\u00a0of contacting all of the 35 or so outreach partners from preschools to businesses. I wasn\u2019t even\u00a0running my full schedule, but I was exhausted and overworked and super stressed. In particular in\u00a0the month before I had left my wallet home twice! I frequently couldn’t remember if I had\u00a0shampooed or conditioned my hair, or in what order. I wasn’t operating at a level that was\u00a0comfortable for anyone, but I had a strong desire to do everything! Technically, I was doing one\u00a0and a half a person\u2019s jobs, and it was simply too much.<\/p>\n

After what has happened, I took the time to reevaluate what I can do. I\u2019m not emotionally at 100%\u00a0yet, and taking on stress right now just won\u2019t work. Work is a good distraction from grief, but you\u00a0don\u2019t want to stress yourself out while you are fragile. I\u2019m taking some time to realistically look at\u00a0my schedule. There is no room for playing catch up or getting projects done, and now I really miss\u00a0that time and need to find room for it.<\/p>\n

There will be changes.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Grief changes people. On my first day back, I had to stay late for my PJ storytime. It had already\u00a0been cancelled and rescheduled, so despite my feelings, I had to make do. I picked out the stories,\u00a0got the snack, looked up an action rhyme, and was set. Five minutes before the official end time,\u00a0we had gone through 3 and a half stories, the action rhyme, the snack, and I didn\u2019t have another\u00a0story in me. I announced the end, sang the goodbye song, and we were done. In hindsight, I think I\u00a0read the stories too fast, and probably could have kept going, but in all honesty, no one really cared\u00a0that it ended quicker than usual. Stories were read, laughs were had, and that equals success no\u00a0matter how much time is spent.<\/p>\n

Love yourself.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Remember to eat healthy meals and exercise. This is something I am working on! I had bread and\u00a0cheese for dinner my first two nights back, followed by weight in ice cream. As I write this, I am at\u00a0a conference that I presented at. I bought a huge bag of candy to entice feedback, but forgot to\u00a0hand it out, and am now eating too many Reese’s pumpkins. I tend to oscillate between skipping\u00a0meals completely to overindulging.<\/p>\n

Meal times can be really hard, as you sit quietly and are tempted to reflect. They are also hard for\u00a0me because my father loved to cook, and it was something we could always talk about. Even as we\u00a0sat in the hospital, praying for good news, I was asking him to teach me how to make blueberry\u00a0scones.<\/p>\n

Lunch is hard at work, as I have to leave my distractions at my desk, and remember the life that I\u00a0am leading. Sometimes I just drive around for the whole hour only stopping for coffee. Hopefully,\u00a0things will get better.<\/p>\n

Take breaks.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

You can\u2019t predict how grief will make you react, but no matter what you have to honor it.\u00a0Sometimes you need to cry in your car at lunch, or in your office, or hold back tears during\u00a0storytime. My work schedule gets interrupted as I have to focus on things going on at home, or just\u00a0feel sad for a few moments. But, life is more important than work. All that matters is that things\u00a0get done, and thankfully I have the space in my management to take my time.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t shut out your friends.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

My friends are mostly good and hover the awkward line between giving me space, and reaching\u00a0out. Nothing really helps, so there\u2019s no right move on either side. Sometimes I don\u2019t have the\u00a0energy to respond to a text, but I like getting them.<\/p>\n

Late one night when things started to take a turn in the hospital, I texted one of my graduate school\u00a0friends, and without saying anything significant, asked her to remind me of my career goals in 6\u00a0months, and then to remind me again in a year. She didn\u2019t ask any questions, just agreed to my\u00a0weird late night requests, and I am thankful for that. I have aspirations and dreams, and I want to\u00a0do things, things that I can\u2019t think about right now; but are ultimately important to me. I like that\u00a0she is \u201cin charge\u201d of them right now, holding them for safe keeping for when I can be myself\u00a0again. Even though she probably never thinks about it, it makes me feel relieved to know that\u00a0someone else is tasked with taking care of my dreams for the time being.<\/p>\n

Job Searching Gets Extra Challenging<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

For all those grieving and job searching… imagine that I am reaching out to pat you on the back.\u00a0Job searching is always a challenge, and when you bring grief to the table with it, it can seem\u00a0impossible. Searching for work is all about possibility and hope and good things. Grief tells you\u00a0that all the good is gone, and you will listen to that. It feels like that. But like I stated above, you\u00a0have goals, you have passions and desires, and life has to move on. This is another shout out to\u00a0lean on your friends, let them look at your resume, cover letters, websites, etc. Friends want to\u00a0help, and these are tasks that require multiple eyes on them. Focus on your good. Get overly\u00a0involved in career orientated websites (I’m kind of obsessed with TheMuse.com<\/a>), keep your\u00a0goals on the front burner. It\u2019s another sort of distraction, and when the good comes from it, you\u00a0will be happy again.\"AmySteinbauer\"<\/a><\/p>\n

To anyone going through grief, let’s tell each other that it gets better. Even if you don’t believe it\u00a0right now, maybe if we keep reaching out to each other and being an ally, we can heal together.<\/p>\n

Amy Steinbauer is the Early Childhood Outreach Librarian at Beaumont Library District in\u00a0Beaumont, CA. It took her six months to find a job. She drives a bookmobile; which is one of her\u00a0favorite things! Amy has a B.A. in English from Muhlenberg College in Allentown, PA and an\u00a0MLISc from the University of Hawaii. She loves mermaids, and advocating for libraries; and will\u00a0one day combine them both to take over the world! Until then, follow her on twitter@merbrarian<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

by Amy Steinbauer, Senior Assistant,\u00a0INALJ California \u201cMy life fell apart… and then I had to go back to work\u201d My father died last month. It was sudden, and quick, and has changed my life forever. I was\u00a0headed back East for a friend\u2019s wedding, and a visit; but once he got to the hospital, I bumped…<\/p>\n

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